It continues to amaze me how long my days feel now, compared to how quickly they seemed to pass me by before all of this came about. It's sort of like the question people ask after having kids...
'What did I DO with all that time before I had these guys?!'
I find myself thinking and feeling like I must've just been 'tuned out' to soooo many things, before now.
I remember in one of my previous posts, right after we were given the news, that I wished someone would just pinch me and it would all of been just a bad dream.
Now, I feel as though it's quite the opposite.
No, I'm not saying that I wouldn't give just about anything to have this disease suddenly disappear and not be faced with treatments and surgeries in our near future. However, what it has and continues to bring to the forefront is a perspective on life that has literally changed how I choose to live.
So, how am I living?
MOMENT TO MOMENT.
It's sad that it takes such a big thing for God to truly shake 'our world' and open our eyes to His Reality.
I've been telling people lately, who I've had the chance to discuss 'my' perspective with, that there is a large part of me that feels humbled to be in this position.
I know some of you may be reading this and thinking I've officially lost it to say I'm 'glad' to have been diagnosed with cancer... and that would probably be taking it a little far, anyway.
BUT...
I AM blessed.
I am.
Having this disease is opening my heart and mouth up to speak things that I've otherwise been too scared to speak. Suddenly, wanting to pray for and with a stranger is not only comfortable for me but even rightly dutiful... especially with someone who I know doesn't know Our Awesome God, yet. I have a grasp on 'time' and how there really, truly, is NONE TO WASTE.
It's like my husband Aaron has said, 'Who knows... we may die before you even go to treatment...Jesus may return in the middle of the night and the world will be over.. or we may be in a fatal car-wreck on the way to our next appt.'
No, I'm not being morbid, and I really do promise you I haven't lost it.
I'm just stating the fact.
NONE OF US KNOW WHEN OUR LIVES ARE GOING TO END.
I find myself thanking God for this perspective each and every next day...
and thanking him even MORE for choosing me to be a vessel in His great purpose.
So, as I said the very first day I was given the news (though it was said more out of self-pity than I feel now)... Go. Love on your family. Hug your kids. THANK GOD for your life, that He so gravely and graciously sacrificed His Son for... cause every single breath and every single moment is nothing but
A
TRUE
....
GIFT.
Yes, you GO girl, live today, moment by moment as I too am, right with you doing the same! God is real, beside us, and the oil of His life is ever flowing even down to the hem! What a blessed day we are going to have today! Enjoy your one on one time with your hubby, the sunshine on the way, the waterfront walk, as we will your darling boys, playing and laughing and loving through them, you. We love you, hug you and mostly, thank God for you! mama
ReplyDeleteHayley, you are amazing and such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing with us and reminding us that every moment is a true gift! [[hugs]] and continued prayers for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHayley, I met you when you were leaving the Arts Center with your beautiful boys in their cute hats. I've been following your journey since your mother shared it.
ReplyDeleteYou seem blessed, to me, to have a grizzly bear for a mother. She will go to the utmost lengths for her children, as I'm sure you would for your children.
I wish you the best, it appears you have incredible strength. Why do people have to be tested so? or hit upside the head to appreciate and savor what we have been blessed with? Because we are human? We should be so fortunate. Many positive thoughts & feelings are sent your direction.