Not Alone...

I've been feeling guilty lately to be typing so many 'negative' posts. Not being 'inspirational'... not having any interest in sharing anything but the struggles I'm experiencing right now.
But as I am reminded after venting, this blog is not meant for anyone more than myself. It is my safe place to speak words and thoughts that will otherwise stay bottled up and tear my insides apart.

Even still, right before I press 'publish'..everytime.. I face that moment of hesitance. The fear that I need to just 'buck up' and someone else who reads this will tell me to do so. And that's ok. Sometimes I think in our greatest strife and deepest grief we need someone to point out what we should be grateful for. Spread some light on our perspective.

But interestingly, after my last few posts--after preparing myself for such a response--I have received some of the most heartfelt and tender...supportive...and LOVING responses, to date.


The saying 'misery loves company' is one I know we've all heard. I, like many, have always believed it to be a negative--even criticizing--phrase. Misery wants/needs more misery to surround it.
But in this past month or so, I have come to find it's meaning is something quite different..at least for me. I don't want to be the 'negative nelly'.. I'm certainly not trying to be. I'm just raw. VERY. RAW. And there is no other way for me to be right now.
Although I don't really know what I want/need people to do or say right now, what I have learned is that just being surrounded in love, is enough.

Does it take everything away? Of course not.
But.. it EASES the struggle.

After spending the last couple of days deeply and prayerfully begging God to lift some of this from me, He IS. He is using my friends, family, students and student's families--even strangers--to ENGULF ME with His love. And if that's not enough... as I climbed into my car tonight from my last lesson time with yet another sweet and supportive family... I started my car right as this song came on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7YKHRb59a4

And just like that, God's Hand presses so intensely on my heart something I should've known all along. I AM NOT ALONE.

I never was.
And I NEVER will be.



Lord... YOU'VE gone before ALL OF THIS. YOU fight my EVERY BATTLE. I WILL NOT FEAR.
I will press against you. NOW. In this moment. This breath. And my next, if it comes.

YOU'VE RECEIVED ME. And CALLED ME... as your own.


YOU are my strength.
YOU are my refuge in THIS and all other storms.
You've ALWAYS been faithful. And you've NEVER broken a promise.

Forgive me for doubting this.
Forgive me for temporarily pushing you away.
Forgive me for forgetting that...

I.
AM.
NOT.

ALONE.