If you give a mama cancer...

I apologize in advance for the lack of organization that this entry has, but hey, it's an entry... and for those of you who've told me you 'stalk' the blog for new entries (side-note: you CAN subscribe so you don't have to do that) ;) this one's especially for you.
Why anyone would 'hang on my words' is actually a bit humorous to me---half the time I find myself thinking what an interesting black-hole my brain is. But I know that under my more current circumstances, this blog is serving a purpose beyond my 'normal ramblings,' one I think God Himself can and may even use--so for that reason alone, I type.

Today was not anything extraordinary... beyond being a PRECIOUS GIFT, of course.

I spent much of it being a typical house-mom, minus the fact that I am now more like a house-mom on crack with my crazy 'mission-laden' self.

Poor Aaron.
Poor boys.

I can't organize enough or stop purging and sorting things, just so.
It's really quite pathetic.

Today, I spent some time unpacking bags that we'd stuffed full in anticipation of a substantial hospital stay...frames, various gifts, memorabilia, sentimental stuff from around the house. Of course, unpacking that stuff meant finding places for all of it for the next 4 months or so that I will be on treatments and NOT in surgery.
At one point, I found myself thinking that this 'new' (I'll claim it to be the result of my disease-driven reasons) habit of needing to-do... to regain order and control... is a bit like a dog chasing it's tail.
While unpacking one bag, I'd put something away and that would take me to a 'place' that needed my attention...even if I'd given that area attention just hours ago---I NEEDED to re-'fix' it.

I'm not sure when or why the thought came over me, (maybe because my boys had insisted that we read the particular book the other night?), but I broke into laughter at myself today when I realized that my daily 'dealing' with the thought of cancer and what it means for our weekly 'schedule' as well as in the bigger picture leaves me wanting one rather significant thing--
MORE CONTROL.

According to Laura Numeroff (brilliant children's book author), if you 'Give a Mouse a Cookie', he'll want a glass of milk to go with it...along with a number of other sequential desires that follow.

Well... if you give a mama cancer, she'll want a cup of sanity to go with it...along with any and all things that may restore CONTROL into daily life.
Things like hanging a shelf for those new frames, so they are out of the way and 'that space' they are in now is freed up for other important things and out of the way of whomever may be here helping when I'm not feeling as good and able to hang that shelf........................

Yep.
It's a trap. A DEFINITE, MIND TRAP.

For those of you who learn by and/or appreciate analogies, it's similar to 'nesting.'
'If I can put that there, and then hang that there and then make that just so, it'll be done and 'ready.'

Man, what I wouldn't give to be experiencing the frantic-readying nature for something better than chemo-treatments.
But hey...it could be worse...I could be being told to 'ready for death.'
How's THAT for perspective.

So, as I plug through the couple days I have here this week, I pray a few things for myself and offer these things to any of you who, still, dutifully WANT to know how you can pray for me.

*A renewed spirit of Peace. What gets done, gets done. What doesn't, doesn't matter.
*A renewed spirit of Peace. The MRI's, biopsies and port-surgery ahead is all part of this journey.
*A renewed spirit of Peace. How chemo affects me, is how I'm affected. He will give me strength!
*A renewed spirit of Peace. He is STILL receiving ALL the Glory in this. This is not beyond Him.
*A renewed spirit of Peace. Pray for REST. Stillness in my heart.
Peace Be Still.