Vacation or Perseveration...

Oy.
I swear my mind is just a mine-field these days.
Some of the things I type down on this page make ME cringe, and then when I re-read and think about all of you CHOOSING to read it, I'm left saying 'huh?!' Seriously. I myself want out of here *points to brain* ...still not sure why on earth any of you would want in, ha! :-P

This week, on my week off of drugs (they told me it was mainly so my cells could do a little re-building  before they really blast me with the strong stuff) *yay* I have found it nearly impossible to just enjoy the days. I suppose the best analogy of the turmoil flying around in there would be that someone says to you 'I'm going to shoot you in the head in two days...so enjoy your last two days as best as you can'--but really?! Like it's just that easy to refrain from perseverating over the fast-approaching imminency! That is much like what this approaching 'red-bullet' (as the chemo patients call it) round is doing to affect these days right now--my mind can't stop flying with 'finishing this one thing up/catching up on this other thing' in preparation for the weeks to come. It's like I almost need to do something out of the ordinary to get my mind off of the next two months.
Someone said to me yesterday 'You should take a vacation!' and for a split second I started to say 'Yeah!' and then that second was followed by the 'with what money' reality. Hey, anyone have a vacation house at the coast they wanna lend? ;) lol. kidding.
A) We own our own businesses = no paid vacation time and for that matter no presence no money.
B) Gray has school and karate tests this week, go figure.
C) Bills continue to pile--vaca is about the last priority for finances.
BUT, I do agree that I need to do something with the boys that we don't do often or even ever...
figuring out what that something may be is a different story.

Whatever the case, this is just another of those cases where *A.G.A.I.N.* here I am, learning *or at least trying to learn* to live in the moment. The AC treatment(aka: the red bullet) will come, assuming Monday comes but that's still 5 days away... and what I do with those days needs to be good and worthwhile.
So, as much as I desire to 'nest' right now in preparation for the next round, I'm deciding now that the best thing I could do for myself and this day is scoop up every ounce of joy and delight in every solid poop *tmi, but honest* and every fuzzy rub of what's left on my head and do what I feel like doing, when I feel like doing it. Or not. I'm committing right now, at this very moment that I will NOT feel badly about letting my chores go this week as a trade for a trip to the park with my little guys.
*For any of you who really know me, this is a feat!*
Yes. I chemo-free-for-five-more-days-Hayley-Anne-Ziebart am saying YES to vaca!!!

...Now, where's my vacuum--Lincoln made quite the mess with that craft project~ ;)