Well, just another Saturday night filled with the anticipation of yet another trek up 'the five.'
I'd be lying if I said I haven't become tired of this routine.
Once upon a time, not that long ago, a trip to P-town (our once home-town in what also seems like another lifetime ago, now) was filled with eagerness...plans for shopping, fun dining-out, hotel stays... a mini-vaca, if you will.
Now, each time that we go, no matter what we do before the actual infusion, it's harder and harder for me to focus my thoughts on anything else. It's a sort of conditioning that's happened... like the way that Pavlov's dogs would hear the bell, and BAM, salivation!
Only I'm hardly salivating.
As soon as we're on I-5 I find myself getting somewhat antsy, and by the time that we pass by the Sutherlin exit, a silly kind of confirmation overcomes me.
Yep. We're headed there.
This week seems to have a little extra hold on my nerves. I blame that entirely on two weeks ago when I received a new dose of conditioning--the 'red bullet'--the round that two weeks ago put me in bed lock-down.
I really would do many things to get out of going up the freeway tomorrow. But once again, I'm without a choice--the same scenario I've been in for going on nearly five months, now--walking a wilderness walk, Leaning on Christ Alone to conquer these never-ending fears and anxieties, worries and frustrations.
I haven't packed yet, which I suppose is somewhat of a subconscious rebellion if I'm being completely honest. The other reason for that could also be the fact that going up the freeway nearly every weekend for 15 straight weeks causes a person to become a very efficient and minimalistic packer. :-P
There are so many things that I wanted to do/accomplish this week before the anticipation of being 'laid up' was upon me so heavily, again... but I'm telling myself what a sweet family-member recently shared with me. If I died tomorrow and God asked me, did you vacuum and dust your house yesterday, Hayley... and I said 'No, Lord, I did not. I went to the duck pond and took my boys on a bike-ride to the park instead'... I'm pretty sure he'd agree that was an adequate excuse. ;)
So, no. Not all is done before leaving tomorrow. But all that was important received my invested time......and headed into this week, knowing I will likely be seeing my little men on a more limited basis again over the next 5 days or so, I'm content enough.
My prayer in all this continues to be the same...especially if we have to endure this right now. Or EVER, for that matter. :-P
Embrace this week, everybody. Live in EACH MOMENT. Focus on your many, many blessings. Praise God, every minute of every new day that you awaken to.
As you sit down to eat a big dinner, enjoy and savor it a little bit more than you did last week. As you go to work, remember what a blessing that is. Ask yourself the 'what-if's' with each thing that you want to complain about.
Remember that nothing is forever. Things can change over-night... even moment to moment... so embrace your situation and be grateful for how things are and remember that all the Grace, Gratitude and Glory belongs only one place--
our Loving Creator~