Shame on us...

So, you all who know me, know that I get a bee on my bonnet once in a while. Most of the time, I just do my crazy little bee-in-bonnet dance and let meditation and clarity sort it out.
However, there's been something that keeps rearing it's head that I just can't seem to shake, so I figured maybe it's just time to type it out so it's well.. OUT.. and I can move on from it.

Two+ years ago, when my brother-in-love-by-marriage came down with brain cancer, I did the typical 'outsider thing'... truly clueless of what all living with cancer really was, I just went on living my life. After all, it didn't directly affect ME. Now, I'm not saying I was heartless about it. I spent many hours with them on my heart and mind--praying, offering help when I could--though I wish now that I'd of just PROVIDED it instead of asking and/or waiting for them to ask or accept--because now I get what that's like on the other side. But that's just my whole point...
I DIDN'T GET IT.

Since getting the 'all clear' from docs and specialists dealing with my case, I have to say......I'm at times a little taken back by the naivety and self-righteousness of people in conversations around it. I think that when you haven't been the one to go through 5 months of chemo, radical surgery and a summer's worth of radiation, it's easy to assume that life--now without cancer--is well, back to normal. This is something I too have been guilty of and am still somewhat conscience-ridden with my bro-in-love's scenario.
'Oh, well, they did surgery and now it's all over and done and they can get back to living.'

While I AM back to living *like Joel*, I'm HARDLY back to what my normal once was. That normal just, well, doesn't exist anymore. All of us who have ever been under the assumption that life just picks back up where it left off for someone whose been through a dramatic life-challenge--well--I say shame on us--as much as it may be total human-nature for us to do so. Shame. On. Us.

I received a text from a dear sweet cousin tonight who wanted me to know that I have been on her heart this week--I'd like to think much of that is due to her and I already being similar in personality and then both being survivors/warriors of recent dramatic life challenges, and young moms who know God. ;) Whatever the connection, she admitted to me a struggle she'd kept to herself all week long--a struggle that would pull at ANY moms heart-strings. Though it is specific to her current scenario and is her burden to cast upon the Lord *and she is*, she has every right to mourn what cannot be so in her life.

It's not easy to be molded and changed.
In fact, it hurts.

Deeply.

The things that you saw as defining you suddenly just not being there.
The things that you've spent your whole life anticipating suddenly just not being possible.

Yes. Of course I'm counting my blessings.
But that doesn't take away the hardship and loss of some of the heart's desires.
And shame on anyone for making another in such scenarios feel otherwise.

I actually had someone whom, herself, has three children (two boys and a girl) tell me to be thankful for the two that I have this week. *This is also, by the way, about the hundredth time I've heard this* At first I was like of course... cause I AM. But then, later, after thinking about it some more I found myself wanting to go back and ask her.. 'What if in the prime of your desire to have your third baby *who consequently ended up being your only daughter* someone had told you no? How would that of made you feel? Don't you think you'd mourn that and have the right to do so? Would YOU of wanted someone to say.. just feel blessed to have your sons?'
It's a little, to me, like telling a woman who just miscarried that that child just wasn't meant to be.

I've also had people tell me lately that they are jealous of my foobs *fake-boobs* and how mine will be perky while theirs are saggy. Now, I now we did joke about this *and I still do*... but let me tell you... actually being here, putting up with tissue-expanders, scars, and all-over numb skin that you just can't satisfy an itch on, YOUR saggy boobs sound a whole lot better! Please, don't tell me that what I have now is better than what I had.

True, I am aware that all these things easily reinforce the old saying 'the grass is always greener'...but in mulling this over and over in my head and heart this week, I think that's the whole point. The grass does always seem greener to us *who are on the other side* and therefore what that means for us with each other is, we must exercise GRACE through our naivety.

I received a message from a dear sister-friend this week that reeeeeally drove this point home for me--as she was writing me to tell ME that I am the epitome of grace and poise *which I had a good ol' laugh over cause she definitely does not live with me* and offering to, somehow--in whatever extreme-means necessary--make this adjustment I'm bearing in my physical-life, easier. Has she ever had cancer? Or does she fully know what all the physical side of post-cancer life entails for me?
Not really.
So what then has given her such sensitivity to my situation.. but grace.

Back when I was in the midst of treatment, I typed a blog called the grace-movement, professing that we all need more grace in our lives. Obviously, just by the Grace of God, we are here. I was doing a bible-study with the boys this afternoon and we read 1 John 3:16 and discussed how awesome God's love for us is...and how we should want to love Him and all others in return for it. As I was preaching to my two children, God said to me 'My Grace works the same way, Hayley. I've shown you Grace, as you should show others.'

Yikes.

I don't know about you, but that's probably my biggest imperfection... yet, because I know this is the case, I'm accepting the challenge. Hows about we all push ourselves into a Grace-Movement Revival...shall we? Just imagine a world where everyone approached everyone and everyTHING with the even just a smidge of the grace God has shown each of us!
What a sweet, sweet vision that is~